We will never understand someone's value until we take their place.
My mom works all day long and keeps complaining of not having enough time. She takes care of a full-grown adult (Papa, my dad), a growing adult who still cannot take care of herself even after living alone for four years (me, her daughter), and a minor (my brother). She looks after all our needs, wants; caters to our feelings, moods; fulfils all our demands, but we never do anything much for her. Yes, we do help her, we are not that useless, but let's come to that later.
"Chai.", Papa demands.
“Make something tasty...”, I demand.
“Mummy, you know what happened…”, my talkative brother demands her attention.
We are all always troubling her and demanding things. But I cannot recollect her asking anything from us. In her free time, she mostly uses her phone to call people or watch videos on YouTube or read the innumerable WhatsApp forwards. We keep scolding her for using the phone all the time to which she irritatedly replies, “What do you mean all the time? I just picked up my phone after doing so much work.” Papa would mimic her getting angry sometimes; we would break into a hearty laugh. But, I often give her lectures on how she should be doing something other than just using her phone. “Like what?”, she demands. I always have answers ready, “Bake, read books or magazines, paint, practice embroidery - just do something creative.” She never accepts any of my suggestions. Once I even forced her to start reading a book but left it after reading just one story. I take the example of my Nani, i.e. her mother who was insanely creative and active. Mom is not like her at all - I do not know why she lacks enthusiasm.
On Friday morning (February 5, 2021), I, as usual, woke up late. Of course, I start my day with brushing my teeth - I am not one of those bed-tea or breakfast in bed kind of people. But the second thing I do is go to my mother and talk at random with her while eating dry fruits and sipping on the glass of milk for almost an hour. On that day, I got an interesting idea or, at least I thought it was worth calling interesting. I was determined to make my mother do something other than using her phone. So I suggested that we both swap our roles. I would do all of her work from morning until night. She can do anything she wants apart from using her phone. One needs to have convincing power and skills or, it is impossible to convince mothers - at least - my mother. I was successful after my constant efforts throughout the day. Someone needs to reward me for being so persistent (no, it is not adamance - it is persistence). She narrated my remarkable idea to Papa over evening tea, “Manna is going to take care of all my work tomorrow.” Papa looked up, of course, he found the idea ridiculous, because my mother wakes up at 7 AM and his first statement was, “Do everything but leave my morning tea aside.” I thought he said that because I have forgotten how to make tea. Once upon a time, my dad drank only the tea which I made for him. Anyway, I was wrong. He said that because he did not believe I would wake up early in the first place, forget executing the rest of the plan. I told him I can do it and I will - I am strong-willed.
At night, I took notes from my mom about her entire schedule in detail. I was excited to take her place and kept asking her if she was excited too. I do not remember what she replied; probably something like "Let us see…"
I slept at 1 AM, which is extremely early for me if you track my sleep schedule. I also set an alarm for 7:00 AM, and of course, 7:15 AM, followed by 7:30 AM, because I know my brain would send signals to switch off the alarm instead of snoozing it. I had set an alarm after months I guess. But I have noticed that this one simple trick works for me - All you have to do is keep thinking about waking up early before you sleep, and your body will wake you up without you having to set an alarm. Your brain works like your alarm clock. I was surprisingly up with the first alarm itself. Waking up early makes me very happy because of two reasons - firstly because it is a rare occasion and secondly because it gives me a chance to boast about it to my family and friends and receive praises.
After waking up, I went to sit at the window and admire the beautiful, calm sunrise from behind the tall buildings. A cool breeze brushed my face, instantly making me smile. My ears listened to the birds' chirp and people singing morning prayers. I sensed my mother come to the room; I turned back and saw her standing with a smile of appreciation. So, it was a good start.
I quickly brushed and on my way to the kitchen, noticed that Papa was still asleep. Mom was sitting, doing some acupressure exercises. I went to the kitchen and
started all that I was supposed to do. My mom kept coming inside, giving me instructions to do this and that. I dislike her micro-management and kept pushing her out of the kitchen. Here is a detailed list of what all I did.
Work List
Gave my mother hot water to drink.
Removed the malai dabba for extracting ghee.
Filled all our water bottles.
Cleaned some vessels which I needed for cooking lunch.
Kept checking if dad was awake.
Went to my room to irritate my brother and tried to wake him up.
Roasted all the masalas to make idli podi. Of course, I kept asking mom where were the ingredients placed in her puzzling kitchen.
Then Papa woke up and came to the kitchen and was surprised to see me there. (Papa, I am strong-willed and I hope you agree now.) I told him everything and then said, “I’ll make tea for you.)
Work List (continued)
Made tea which upon straining was umm, just two tablespoons. I do not know why I cannot make tea anymore!!! Anyway, mother had to come to the rescue; she only made tea for him in the end.
Heated milk for mom and added seviyan - to make doodh seviyan and kept it in the room for her.
Sorted out the overnight soaked dry fruits for everyone and gave it to them.
My brother finally woke up and I gave him doodh seviyan too.
Then Papa thought I was working a lot; he asked me to eat breakfast first. I went to my parents’ room with my cup of milk and dry fruits. Papa asked me, “Are you feeling tired?” Tired? Who, me? I would never admit it. I replied, “Of course not. I am having fun.” I kept asking mom what she was doing. Yes, she was not using her phone according to the rules of the game. But then what was she doing? She claimed that she was relaxing. Anyway, I did not have much time - I had to go to the market and then make lunch! We were making idlis, which is why I had prepared idli podi in the morning. At first, I had decided to go to the market with my brother. That is why I was waking him up again and again. But Papa suggested we take the bike.
Work List (continued)
After coming back home from the market, I arranged all the vegetables in the basket.
Extracted butter from the malai.
Watched a couple of videos on how to make sambar and wrote down the recipe in my pocket recipe book.
Made the sambar and the idlis and two kinds of chutneys.
Of course, at this point, mom had to intervene and help me a little bit. She made the ghee because I already had too much on my plate.
Anyway, after that we had lunch - I was exhausted. Lunch was okay, the idlis, specifically were not that good. Sambar and chutneys were nice. Even though I should have slept for some time, I ended up rewatching a film called Sanju. I cancelled my film club meeting as well. Then, after some time, I thought I should work. It was around 6 PM when I switched on my laptop to write an article. Within 5 minutes, I felt sleepy and immediately banged my laptop shut and went off to my room to sleep. I woke up straight after an hour and thirty minutes. Papa thought I was done for the day and had no more capacity to cook anymore. But, I felt refreshed after a good nap; I decided to make dinner too.
According to the schedule, I was supposed to clean and cut the green vegetables like spinach. I did not do it; I only had the energy for making dinner. I searched for a simple egg curry recipe and quickly prepared it.
Time management got dwindled, ultimately mother had to intervene and make the chapatis. Dinner was fantastic; everyone gave me good reviews. After that, even though the day was not over, for me, it was! I did not do any other tasks that my mom does before sleeping.
At night, I asked mom how her day was - she said it was relaxing and not hectic like other days. But, she did not do any of the things I had asked her to do. At first, I was a little mad at her for that but later, upon giving it a thought; I understood things from her perspective. She has not taken a break since so long! We all wake up late, work at our own pace; our mothers are always working non-stop, from day until the night. She is also right about not being able to use the phone all day. I could not use my phone until lunch when I took her place. The only little time she gets during afternoons is when she uses her phone. But all we observe is this little non-harmful habit of hers.
For my mommy: Thank you, mommy, for everything. I am happy to have given you that one-day break. But, I still would like you to practice something you love.
I hope my experiment was a fun read. I feel all of you should try swapping roles with your mother for a day and give her time to breathe and relax and allow her to do what she truly wants to do.
Vaibhavi
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